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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210295">I want what you have with him, but with me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Heartbreak, Sad, Showki, don't mind the spelling errors, ish, ish?, it depends what mood you read this in, it might not be sad, kihyuk, kihyun doesn't, minhyuk is really likes kihyun, my first fic on here, so if it's bad then it's bad, the others are mentioned - Freeform, this might not be based on something that has happened to me before, weird ass title</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:09:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you and always will"<br/>Minhyuk and Kihyun have a weird relationship. From cuddles to kisses to occasional sex. If you didn't know them you'd think they were dating but they aren't, they're just really really good friends. What happens when Kihyun starts to date Hyunwoo though?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I want what you have with him, but with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, this is my first ever fic on here, so don't judge if it sucks :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minhyuk and Kihyun's relationship was weird. They cuddled, they kissed, they had occasional sex. If you didn't know them, you'd think they were dating. But they aren't, they're just really, really good friends that are really, really touch-deprived. </p><p>They were currently spooning while watching a movie. With Minhyuk being the big spoon and holding Kihyun by the waist and leaving small pecks on Kihyun's head. "Min?" Kihyun whispered, "Yeah?" Minhyuk did the same, "Guess what?" the brown-haired boy said "I hate guessing games though" Minhyuk whined, "Just take a guess, please?" Kihyun said and wiggled around so that they were now facing each other "Uhh...you got the job at the cafe?" Minhyuk guessed "Nope," Kihyun said and waited for the other to give another guess, seeing as the older wouldn't talk, Kihyun rolled his eyes dramatically and sighed "Well...I met someone", Minhyuk eyes narrowed "Okay, good for you". Minhyuk didn't understand what Kihyun said. Why was meeting someone new important? "And we're going on a date next week" Kihyun added. Minhyuk's eyes widened "D-date?". In their 8 years of being friends, those words had never left Kihyun's mouth. </p><p>"I know, I should have told you before. But I just never got the chance" Kihyun said, his eyes now laced with worry. He knew that out of both of them Minhyuk had always been more sensitive and he didn't have the heart to have this conversation with him. "We literally live together, what do you mean you never got the chance?," Minhyuk said and got up to sit properly on the couch. Kihyun shivered at the loss of contact and the feeling of cold air grazing his sleeveless arm. "What does this mean for...us though?" Minhyuk asked. "That's the thing. We can't do this anymore if Hyunwoo and I start dating" Kihyun who was now sitting on the couch pointed between both of them. Minhyuk felt like his heart just shattered. He pulled his head back to stop the tears that are threatening to fall out anytime. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure he was happy that Kihyun was happy and he wanted to be happy for him too but, how could he when he loved Kihyun with his whole heart?</p><p>"Okay. Let's not do this anymore" Minhyuk pointed between them and got up and went to his room. </p><p>Climbing his bed and pulling the covers over his head, Minhyuk started to cry. He loved Kihyun and he thought Kihyun loved him back, but that was obviously not the case. He knew he should've confessed to Kihyun when he had the chance, but he always chickened out when the time came. He pulled the covers closer to him and with those thoughts, went to sleep, crying</p><p>~~~~~~<br/>
Next week rolled around pretty quickly, well for Kihyun it did. Unlike Kihyun, for Minhyuk it came by tortuously slow especially when the person that gave you a reason to live is in love with someone else.</p><p>The next day after Minhyuk went to sleep crying, he woke up and decided that he was being selfish. Kihyun probably didn't want to be single when he reached his thirties and Minhyuk got countless chances to ask Kihyun out but never did. He got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, put on the fakest happiest smile he could muster and apologized to Kihyun about the night before and blamed his behavior on him not having enough sleep. Fortunately, Kihyun believed him, unfortunately, they kept their skinship to just high fives but the need to cuddle someone and be showered in affection was starting to bother Minhyuk.</p><p>Right now Kihyun was looking handsome as ever and chewing the insides of his mouth nervously, with his eyes glued to his phone. Hyunwoo had texted him an hour ago saying he was going to pick Kihyun up. "Why are you so nervous? I've never seen this side of you, especially for someone else" Minhyuk said jokingly making Kihyun finally lift his head up to look at the blonde-haired boy, a small frown tugging at Kihyun's lips "I'll call off the date if you don't want me to go" Kihyun suddenly said, Minhyuk gulped 'This is your chance. You can tell him that you're not okay with him dating someone. You can ask him out' "Don't be dumb. You seem like you really like Hyunwoo and he seems nice. Forget about last week, I was just really tired and hungry I didn't realize what I was saying" Minhyuk assured him and put an arm on Kihyun's shoulder reassuringly. "R-really?" Kihyun asked his lips quivering a bit, Minhyuk nodded and pulled Kihyun up to hug him. "Don't cry, you don't want to be looking like a raccoon when he comes to pick you up, do you?" Minhyuk joked, earning a chuckle from Kihyun</p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p>After thirty minutes a knock was heard at the door and Minhyuk left the room to answer it. Goddamn Hyunwoo was gorgeous, with his tan body and those arms, Minhyuk was definitely losing to Hyunwoo in terms of body size.</p><p>Biting the inside of his cheeks, he gave Hyunwoo a smile and shook his hands. Hyunwoo's smile was the cutest thing ever.</p><p>"Minhyuk right? Kihyun's roommate?" Hyunwoo asked</p><p>"Uh yeah. Kihyun's roommate. Minhyuk" the younger man's eyes narrowed "Are we really just roommates? Not even best friends?' </p><p>Minhyuk felt a presence behind him and turned to see Kihyun, his face wasn't smudged with mascara anymore and his eyes weren't puffy either. He felt himself staring too long and quickly cleared his throat "Well go on, don't let me keep you", Kihyun's eyes narrowed as if asking Minhyuk one more time. The blonde man only smiled back with an "I'm already missing you, if you keep standing there I'm going to close this door" which earned a wide grin from Kihyun and a chuckle from Hyunwoo.</p><p>Hyunwoo held out his hand and Kihyun gladly accepted it. </p><p>Minhyuk closed the door and turned to his back, he sat in front of it with his knees tucked to his chest and started to cry. </p><p>Reality had finally hit him. If that date goes well, Kihyun is slowly going to detach himself from Minhyuk and he's going to stop any form of skinship and he's going to move out of their apartment and move in with Hyunwoo, leaving Minhyuk sad and alone. He continued to bawl even loudly at the thought of that. Kihyun wouldn't leave him sad and alone, right?</p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p>Everything Minhyuk was afraid of was coming through. The date with Kihyun and Hyunwoo went well, Kihyun and Hyunwoo were madly in love and it was beginning to make Minhyuk sick. </p><p>Each time he'd go to the kitchen to grab a drink or make a quick snack he would see them in a position that was way too familiar; Kihyun's back pressed against Hyunwoo's chest on the couch. He eventually stopped coming to the apartment in the day. Sometimes when he came home after a long day of playing overwatch with Hyungwon, Changkyun and Jooheon, Hyunwoo would still be in the apartment. Those were the days where he had to pretend he forgot his phone or his charger at Hyungwon's house. He actually thought he was being subtle avoiding Kihyun and his newfound relationship.</p><p>It was only when Kihyun had stopped him when he woke up at 6am to start making plans with his other friends, he realized he was wrong.</p><p>"Why are you avoiding me?" Kihyun asked, his voice laced with sadness, his eyes looked the same</p><p>Oh how Minhyuk wanted to go over to Kihyun and hug him and kiss him all over to reassure him nothing was wrong, except he couldn't because something was wrong and he couldn't kiss another guy's boyfriend so instead he gave a half-smile and said "Don't be silly, I'm not avoiding you"</p><p>"Then where have you been? Every day I and check around the house, but you're nowhere to be found! I've been worried sick about you! Have you been eating? Have you even been sleeping? Why are you always waking up so early and coming back so late? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Kihyun yelled, his eyes filled with tears</p><p>Minhyuk snapped "Are you my mother? Why do you care? You don't need me anymore, you have Hyunwoo!"</p><p>Minhyuk grabbed his bag that was laid on the bed and ran past Kihyun, ignoring the sad yells of Kihyun shouting "Come back" he ignored the tears that were streaming down his face and pulled out his phone and called Hyungwon</p><p>"Is your guest room still available?" </p><p>"Uhm yeah? Why?" Hyunwon's sleep voice rumbled through the phone</p><p>"Do- Do you mind if I stay at yours for a while?"</p><p>"No, but why-?" Minhyuk cut the call, took a deep breath and turned back</p><p>~~~~~~~<br/>
Minhyuk opened the door to the apartment and saw Kihyun's red, sad eyes.</p><p>"Oh my god, Min. I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that and whatever it was that I did I'm really sorry" Kihyun said</p><p>Minhyuk smiled at him sadly "It's okay" </p><p>He went back to his room with Kihyun trailing behind him. Minhyuk took off his bag and got out a suitcase and started to fold clothes inside</p><p>"W-what are you doing?" Kihyun called and quickly held Minhyuk's arms</p><p>"I'm leaving. I can't bear to see you and Hyunwoo together and I know it's selfish and I'm happy that you're happy but I love you Kihyun and not in that emotionally dependant way, I really love you like boyfriend love you. And it really hurts to see you crying because of me and to see you worrying about me" Minhyuk's voice breaks "I'm doing this for both of us. These 8 years have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I-I'm doing this for us"</p><p>"Min you can't leave me, you're the only family I have, please think this over" Kihyun cries</p><p>Minhyuk gently pulls his arm away from Kihyun and finishes packing up his clothes. He looks over to see Kihyun crying and looking pleadingly at him "Please?" he whispers</p><p>Minhyuk smiles and gives him a kiss on his forehead "I love you and always will"</p>
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